Perfect Mom and Perfect Chaos

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I once labeled myself as an Idealist. Many events have led to the more realistic title of Shattered Idealist. One day I will explain further.

For the moment, Id like to introduce you to my Stay At Home Mom everyday life that is perfectly chaotic.

I mean it. I shine with pride at the craziness that motherhood has blessed me with. I smirk with happiness when I step on another fricking puzzle piece. I am in awe at my morphed body that hardly gets showered in a week. I clean around the gooey hand prints on the sliding door to preserve them. I know this is a time I “should” treasure.

I also throw pillows & cry about being stuck home with sick kids.

In moments like these I can easily get stuck in the “shoulds.” It’s the moments I let my own guilt take over I’m not living up to standards I’ve set about what being a mom “should” be like. As quick as I set up outside “shoulds” about myself I just as fast fail them.

Eventually, I run out of beating-myself-up-fuel. I’m stuck. Just sitting there in the middle of two kids’ dripping noses & a stream of tears running down my face.

I don’t always get out of that moment into accepting it as the perfect chaos I love. It has taken me 4 years of becoming a mother to get to a place where I can accept ALL these emotions.

Its ok for me to adore my kids and its ok for me to hate the messes.

Evenmore, I’ve learned from a great group of ladies & gents over at #PPDChat that parenting is separate from housework. Even EVEN more, I’ve learned that the pictures of a “perfect mom” I had set in my mindseye was outside of who I am. They were some ideal mom I had made up from movies & real life illusions. They needed to be shattered. I don’t have to: be perfectly in style, staying home cooking from scratch meals, volunteering & working out of home keeping everyone on schedule, always smiling, always keeping everyone happy, and keeping everyhing spotless. I can just be me. I can be mom. I can say no & I can make mistakes. I can keep doing the things I love & I can figure what works for my family. And today, My house can be a disaster.

What are your pictures of a perfect mom? Do you imagine June Cleaver or Roseanne? Do you stress about keeping your house spotless or do you live amongst the mess?

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About anderzoid

Life is Bittersweet. God is love, the rest is minor. Ever evolving. Incorporating the ancient & alien into the home environment.
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2 Responses to Perfect Mom and Perfect Chaos

  1. Pamela Gold says:

    Perfectly imperfect. That’s my style and I’m sticking with it!

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