I once labeled myself as an Idealist. Many events have led to the more realistic title of Shattered Idealist. One day I will explain further.
For the moment, Id like to introduce you to my Stay At Home Mom everyday life that is perfectly chaotic.
I mean it. I shine with pride at the craziness that motherhood has blessed me with. I smirk with happiness when I step on another fricking puzzle piece. I am in awe at my morphed body that hardly gets showered in a week. I clean around the gooey hand prints on the sliding door to preserve them. I know this is a time I “should” treasure.
I also throw pillows & cry about being stuck home with sick kids.
In moments like these I can easily get stuck in the “shoulds.” It’s the moments I let my own guilt take over I’m not living up to standards I’ve set about what being a mom “should” be like. As quick as I set up outside “shoulds” about myself I just as fast fail them.
Eventually, I run out of beating-myself-up-fuel. I’m stuck. Just sitting there in the middle of two kids’ dripping noses & a stream of tears running down my face.
I don’t always get out of that moment into accepting it as the perfect chaos I love. It has taken me 4 years of becoming a mother to get to a place where I can accept ALL these emotions.
Its ok for me to adore my kids and its ok for me to hate the messes.
Evenmore, I’ve learned from a great group of ladies & gents over at #PPDChat that parenting is separate from housework. Even EVEN more, I’ve learned that the pictures of a “perfect mom” I had set in my mindseye was outside of who I am. They were some ideal mom I had made up from movies & real life illusions. They needed to be shattered. I don’t have to: be perfectly in style, staying home cooking from scratch meals, volunteering & working out of home keeping everyone on schedule, always smiling, always keeping everyone happy, and keeping everyhing spotless. I can just be me. I can be mom. I can say no & I can make mistakes. I can keep doing the things I love & I can figure what works for my family. And today, My house can be a disaster.
What are your pictures of a perfect mom? Do you imagine June Cleaver or Roseanne? Do you stress about keeping your house spotless or do you live amongst the mess?