Today I am stepping into a roll ive been avoiding, advocate. It sounds so official, as if you have to have a PHD. I am no expert, not in anything except my own life.
I am not one of those super moms who goes to school, volunteers, works, protests, makes changes, has a career… . Wait. That is so weird bc as I was writing that I realized I do those things. Ha! Well ok, let me rethink why I don’t feel worthy to be called a birth, VBAC, homebirth, AP whatever advocate. I guess the moms I know who are making huge changes in the world, like changing policy, writing grants, running businesses successfully all seem to do it right, have a perfect mission, & have balance. I do not. Keyword: successful.
I’m unpredictable still. I haven’t really fully stepped into a professional roll since having kids. So any “advocating” I was doing was very personal. I’d talk with senators and professionals but it was always as a consumer. It was from my very own point of view and for the benefit of my community (tho I am someone who believes the whole friggin universe is my community) and for the safety of my family.
Then there is the liability issues. Like, if I start having to talk on behalf of more than my very own self then that sounds like a LOT of responsibility. For instance, I wish I could be “called” to be a midwife but woah that sounds like a big responsibility! My initial response to the idea of being part of a mother’s birth and the baby’s very first and ONLY entrance into the world makes is “birth needs to be honored , it is so important, i cant possibly do it justice”. You know what, I said that 7 years ago about motherhood.
Life cannot be run by wise old women who have magically come across the secrets of life. At 27, im just now realizing that my excuse- OMG I’m too flaky to do that!- cannot hold up. I MUST step into life. I am who Is in my life.
I’ll never turn into those wise women I admire unless I start living, BOLD.
What types of people do you hold on an untouchable pedestal? What does advocacy mean to you?